" The democracy timetable"
November 2005: Beijing promises the people of Hong Kong full democracy just as soon as the city is "mature enough" and veryone can be "relied on" to vote communists
December 2005: Hong Kong organizes a gigantic rally in support of universal suffrage. Lee Wing-tat, Emily Lau and Martin lee wave joylously to the crowd. Longhair gets another haircut. organizers say 1,000,000 ppeople attended the amrch. Police estimates the number to 38. Beijing says the unrest isa result of the city being 'overtired".
March 2006: Despite coninued Legco protests, Donals Tsang insists hong kong is ' not mature enough" for demoncracy. He backs up this claim by pointing out a high prevalence of acne among civil servannts, the local fondess of Hello Kitty and the large percentage of office ladies stil living with their parents. Longhair prootests by leaving a case of spot remover at Tsangs office.
1st July 2007: 2,000,000 hong Kong taxpayers take to the streets in an olderly pro- democrazy march. Appalled at such "immaturity', Beijing demolishes the Legco builidng, lawmakers must now meet in a boucy castle.
December 2007: Donals Tsang, anticipating his second term in office, says that everyones skin is lookong better, but "you still need time to grow". Beiing backs his comments, while secretly funding another gievaway of disney toys at 7-Eleven across twon.
December 2016: having created a new law giving himself a unpredecented third term in office, Tsang makes a speacial appearance in Legco chambers. " Its just your hormones speaking" he says in response to cries for universal suffrage. Beijing is to busy to respond as party members are reportedly out shopping for designer goods.
April 2030: China sets up a space station on mars. In what is described as a 'controlled experiement in self- governance', astronauts are allowed to vote on chicken feet or fishhead- flavored capsules for dinner.
July 1, 2036: Longhair dies while leading 3,000,000 peaceful protesters in a democracy march (police count 12) after his four-meter-long gray locks are cuaght in Emily's lau's electric wheelchair.
October 2045: In a passionate please for democracy that stunts the city, donals Tsang, now 100, bald and incontinent, apprears in nappies for his last policy adress and pledges the city to "goo-goo ga-ga". Beijing dismisses the outburst as "baby talk'.
JJuly 2046: Beijing announces Hong Kong is finnaly amture enough too full democracy. Citizens are asked to vote either " in favor of the communist party' or "aggainst those opposed to the communicst party".
(Hong Kong magazine No 599, page 3)